Mea Culpa
by Lauren Rae
Summary: Leland Hawkins returns to Montressor after many years in order to make amends for his past actions... FINISHED: Chapter 4 is UP!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Treasure Planet and all characters pertaining to the film aren't mine. There, I said it. They belong to Disney. The lyrics (which are italicized at the end) are from the song "Aeroplane" by Tal Bachman. Once again, not mine. tear   
  
**Some Author's Notes:** drumroll It's been so long since I've written anything, so this is an achievement. Haha. It's taking forever to come out of writer's block, but that's ok. I hope that you all enjoy this story for what it is. See more author's notes at the end of the story for explanations of things. Thanks for reading!  
  
**Much thanks to:** Allison for fixing my math... problems (hehe) and for giving me your honest opinion, as always.

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**_Mea Culpa: Chapter 1  
_**-----

"On behalf of your ship's crew, we'd like to welcome you to Montressor. The current time is 2:00 p.m. The current weather is..."  
  
The man didn't stick around to hear the weather, but instead hurried off the ship that had transported him from the Spaceport Crescentia to Montressor. Montressor... he hadn't been there for quite a few years now, but the place had always been in the back of his mind.  
  
Gathering his surroundings, the man removed his old hat and ran a hand through his hair. The last time that he had stood on that very ground, he had been young and ambitious. Now his brown hair was laced with silvery- gray streaks and his face was noticeably worn with age.  
  
By no means was Leland Hawkins an old man. No, he was only fifty-one, but time and a guilty conscience had left their mark on him.  
  
Although the planet had developed considerably since he left, it wasn't hard to find his way to his destination. It had been weighing in his mind for many years now to go back.  
  
He could never forget the day that he had left them. It had started out like any normal day. He had woken up and gotten ready for work. Then he had gone downstairs where his wife, Sarah, had made him breakfast. Sarah... she was so beautiful and so smart. Every time he thought of her, he couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself for leaving her alone with their son, Jim. Anyway, the day that he had walked out... his memories of that morning were hazy now. He remembered that he and Sarah had argued about him being cold- hearted and not spending enough time with the family. They'd had words about that subject many times before that morning.  
  
Leland sighed at the memory. Back then he had been extremely pig-headed about things. His only argument had been that he worked hard to bring in money for the family, so when he wanted to be left alone, he expected them to yield to his wishes. He'd truly thought of himself as the man of the house, and that everyone should respect him as such. What he hadn't seen was how overbearing he really had been. He hadn't seen the stake being driven into the relationship that he and Sarah had worked so hard to maintain. On that day when he left, he was truly thinking only one thing: "I can't handle this anymore." Without thinking twice, he'd packed a few things and left his pretty wife crying at the table. And his little boy... well, he could've sworn to this day that young Jim had tried to run after him. As the boat pulled away from the dock, he almost remembered hearing a strained, tearful voice shouting, "Dad! Where are you going? Mom's crying, and we need you! Come back!!!"  
  
But now he had returned. After all of those years of traveling, wandering, and not finding any real answers, he knew what he had to do. It was time now, twenty-three years later, to face what he had feared most for all of those years: his ex-wife, Sarah and their son... Jim. Leland placed his hat back onto his head.  
  
As he started his journey toward the old house, many thoughts crossed his mind. Would the place still be standing? If so, would Sarah even still be living there? And if she was, had she gotten remarried? So many things could have happened over the years, and just thinking of the possibilities made Leland's heart ache. After he left, he had completely cut all ties with them, leaving his young wife and little boy to fend for themselves on that harsh mining-planet. He knew now that what he had put those two through was something that nobody should ever have to deal with. And although he was doubtful that making amends now would even make a difference... in his heart knew he still had to try.  
  
After all, those twenty-three years in the Etherium had left Leland Hawkins a changed man... or had they?  
  
Leland now approached the building that he had once called home. A sign hung in front of it. "The Benbow Inn?" he read. That certainly hadn't been there when he had left. So the old house was now an inn? Maybe they had picked up and moved on. Perhaps it was wrong of him to come... sometimes it was better to leave the past in the past, right? A wave of nervousness gripped him as he tried to make up his mind on what to do. He could leave now and try to forget everything, but that would completely defeat his purpose for coming in the first place. He would have no answers, and certainly no closure.  
  
"Be a man, for once in your life," Leland muttered under his breath. In that moment, he decided that he would risk it all and check out the Benbow Inn to see if his family still lived there. Gathering himself, he straightened his posture and smoothed his jacket.  
  
He walked to the door of the inn... his former home... and traced the wood with a nostalgic sigh. Then, taking a deep breath, he pushed it open. 

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To be continued... I'll be out of town for several weeks, so the next update will be when I return. Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

And now that I'm back from two wonderful weeks overseas...  
  
**Mea Culpa: Chapter 2**

Leland was greeted by a familiar warmth and comfort... quite similar to how the place had greeted him when he had first bought it many years ago. He was surprised to see that the entire downstairs had been transformed into a restaurant, and a busy one at that. Standing off to the right, in front of the main dining area, was a podium with a felinoid girl standing behind it. She looked to be in her late teens or so, and had dark brown hair that fell past her shoulders. Leland shook his head. Everything was strange to him, but he decided that the best way to do things was to first ask the girl if Sarah still owned the place.  
  
When Leland approached the podium, the girl greeted him with a smile. "Hello, sir, and welcome to the Benbow Inn. Is it just a table for one, or will someone be joining you?"  
  
"I think..." Leland trailed off momentarily.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Oh. Yes, I might have someone joining me."  
  
"All right. Please wait here for a moment." The girl looked over her shoulder. "Moira! Carina!" she called.  
  
Leland was taken aback when two other felinoid girls joined the dark haired one. They looked exactly like each other, except for differing hair color, as the other two had red and blonde hair respectively.  
  
"Honestly, Emily," the blonde began, "You don't need to shout across the restaurant for us. It's not aesthetically pleasing to the customers, you know."  
  
"Well, Carina, sometimes there's no other way to get through to you, if you know what I mean," the brunette (Emily) retorted.  
  
"Don't even start with the blonde jokes, or mother will hear about it."  
  
"Ladies, ladies!" The redhead (Moira) cut in. "We have a customer. So stop acting so immature." She nodded to Leland. "I'm sorry about my sisters' behavior sir."  
  
"Quite all right," Leland replied, inwardly amused at these "catty" felinoids.  
  
"I was going to ask you girls," Emily said, "Which of you has a table open so we can seat him. A table for two – he might have someone joining him."  
  
"I do," Moira said, and grabbed a menu from the podium before her sisters could protest (and make more of a scene). "Follow me, sir."  
  
Leland followed the red-haired felinoid to a table by one of the windows. When he was seated, she handed him a menu. "Again, I apologize for their behavior," she nodded in the direction of the other girls, then continued: "The special today is Aunt Sarah's Purp Fruit Pie. It's one of our most popular delicacies, as the recipe is Aunt Sarah's secret."  
  
Leland looked up. Aunt Sarah? Did this mean that...?  
  
"My name is Moira, and I'll give you a few minutes to look over the menu. If you have any questions..."  
  
"Miss, I do have a question. When you say Aunt Sarah, do you by chance mean Sarah Hawkins?"  
  
Moira cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow. "I do," she finally said. "Sarah Hawkins is the owner of this inn. She's been running it for many years, way before I was born. Although she's not my real aunt, she's like family to me and my siblings. Why do you ask, sir? Do you know her?"  
  
"I did... a long time ago," Leland replied after a few minutes of awkward silence. "Is she here today?"  
  
"She's always here, sir."  
  
"Is it possible for me to speak with her?"  
  
"I don't see why not. I'll see if she's available. Would you like to order anything or do you still need a few minutes to decide?"  
  
"Could I just get a glass of water for now?"  
  
"Sure. I'll be right back."  
  
Leland watched the felinoid maneuver her way around the dining room and into the kitchen. He always found it interesting – the way that felinoids moved. There was a certain grace about them. He hadn't yet met a felinoid who wasn't graceful. But that was beside the point... he knew that he was only thinking of these things as a distraction from what was truly on his mind: Sarah, and what her reaction to seeing him might be.  
  
There wasn't enough time for Leland to even gather his thoughts, for the felinoid girl had emerged from the kitchen with a glass of water in her hand. And behind her... there she was. Leland could only stare. After all of those years... there she was. And he was speechless.

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To be continued... 

This chapter was pretty short. Sorry for that. The next one will be much more... fun? =)

Much thanks to those who reviewed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Mea Culpa: Chapter 3**

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Leland watched, staring almost blankly, as the felinoid pointed over at his direction. He saw Sarah's gaze follow the younger girl's gesture and watched as her facial expression changed from curiosity to shock.

The girl, seeing Sarah's face, said something to her (of which Leland couldn't decipher). Sarah shook her head and then took the glass of water from her. She motioned for the felinoid to resume her duties and then faced Leland again.

He watched as her face became placid, as if she was mentally preparing herself to speak to him. He, in turn, realized that he was hardly prepared to speak to her. But it was too late now. She was walking toward his table.

He could only sit there, dumbfounded, when she stopped in front of him. Placing the glass of water on the table, her voice was calm (but almost a whisper) as she said, "Leland. It really is you... isn't it?"

"Sarah," he replied, and looked at her. She hadn't changed much over the years. Yes, her face had matured (she _did_ have several wrinkles), but she was still as beautiful as she was the day he had met her. Her hair, which was piled on top of her head in a bun, was still the same shiny brown, although he could see a few silver streaks here and there. She had filled out as well, but was by no means overweight... just not the little girl that she used to be.

"Will you please sit with me?" he asked.

Sarah sat and folded her arms across her chest. Leland could feel that she was apprehensive and, most likely, hurting a bit. Her face might've been calm, but her body language proved that she wasn't comfortable with him anymore.

"What are you doing here?" she finally asked after several moments of silence. "It's been a long time."

"I know, I know," he began. "I just felt that I... owed you..."

"Owed me?" she repeated (her tone defensive) and raised an eyebrow. "What do you think you owe me? What do you honestly think you can do now that will change what happened?"

"Please, Sarah, hear me out."

"Why?" her voice became slightly edgy.

"Because if you don't, you'll be just like me all those years ago. When I wouldn't listen to you. I don't want you to be like me," he said, hoping that the reverse psychology would give him leeway to speak.

"All right," she finally said.

"I came here to say that I'm sorry for leaving you," he said. "I've been wanting to come back for some time now, but couldn't find it in myself to do so. There are so many things that I wish I could do. If I could, I'd turn back time..." he took a sip of water.

"That's very noble of you," Sarah sighed. "But I don't know if it can make up for what we've gone through. We being me... and Jim too. You _left_ us, Leland. You walked out – just like that, and you didn't even stop to think about us."

"I was stubborn and scared. Being a father scared me. Our fighting scared me. I thought that leaving was the only thing that I could do to make things right. Sarah, I thought about both of you almost every day."

"Well, why didn't you do something about it?"

"Because... because I'm a damn coward, ok?" He stood up. "I'm a COWARD!" he shouted. "I LEFT THIS WOMAN AND MY SON BECAUSE I'M A COWARD! I'M..."

"Sit down!" Sarah hissed. "This is my place of business! Please stop making a scene!"

Leland sat once again. "I was wrong about a lot of things. Sarah, I was so hotheaded back then. I thought that every decision I made was the right thing to do. Only now do I see what a jackass I was. I was really stupid... really stupid. I know that I can't make up for the lost time. I don't expect you to accept me or take me back or anything like that, but I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for what I did. I wronged you. I wronged Jim. It wasn't right of me at all, and I have to live with that until the day I die. I regret a lot of things, and what happened between us – the fighting, I mean – is what I regret the most."

Sarah's expression softened as Leland continued to ramble.

"I loved you, Sarah," he said. "And I still do. It took me so long to realize it, but I do love you. And no matter what I do, I can't erase what happened. I'm just trying to make it better. I'm so, so sorry..."

"I was so angry for so long," Sarah said. "Every day I thought to myself 'What is it that I did wrong?'"

"It was my fault," Leland cut in.

"Wait, let me finish. After you left, there were nights when I couldn't sleep. I'd cry and cry until there was nothing left. I was so depressed, but I had to put on a good front for Jim. But Leland, he knew. He knew that there was something wrong. I didn't know how to pick up the pieces or where to start. There were nights when I contemplated running away just as you had, but then I thought – how could I do that to my son? I had to be strong for him. I had to be his mother and father. You don't know how hard that was..." a tear trickled down Sarah's cheek and she quickly wiped it away. "There were other nights where I just cursed ever meeting you. I dreamed of the day that we would meet again... when I would really let you know how I felt, and now..." she shook her head. "I don't know what I feel. Part of me wants to punch you. And part of me," she cocked her head to one side, "Part of me really feels bad for you."

"Are you mocking me?" Leland asked.

"No, I genuinely feel bad. For both of us, actually. We had a pretty promising life together before the fighting began. Sometimes I'm sad that it didn't work out. But I'm not really angry anymore," she replied. "About two years after you left, Delbert Doppler – yeah, remember him? – he helped me put my life back together. With his help, I was able to turn this place into what it is now. I was finally back on my own two feet."

"Delbert Doppler? That nutty scientist guy?" Leland raised an eyebrow. "I thought all he did was ramble on about the stars and whatever. He drove me crazy!"

A small smile crossed Sarah's face. "I remember that. It was kind of funny how you'd rant about how annoying he was. But Leland, he was so helpful after you left. And he's a famous astrophysicist now."

"Didn't he used to have a newspaper clipping that he'd carry around? Right after he made his first breakthrough discovery?"

"He still carries it around," Sarah laughed. "And has had many more since then. He's come a long way, you know. I mean, he still rambles about his theories and all, but he has a family now. Those three girls," she nodded at Moira, Carina, and Emily, "Are his daughters."

"No kidding? How is that possible..."

"He married a felinoid, silly. They also have a son."

"Speaking of sons," Leland's tone became more uncertain. "How's Jim?"

"Jim," Sarah smile was brilliant now. "He had several rough spots during his teen years, but luckily he got over that. Didn't you hear about the discovery of Treasure Planet?"

Leland shrugged. "I didn't keep up with the news much. I've been wandering for so long. I did hear something about it, but paid no attention. I guess I was never good at paying attention."

"Well, your son played a direct role in discovering Treasure Planet. I know that you must remember the legend about it at least?"

"I do remember _that_. I used to read it to him when he was little. I mean, when I had the chance. We never finished it..." he sighed. "Flint's Trove – and my son discovered it?"

"Yes. Then he got recommended to the Interstellar Academy. Leland, your son is a captain in the Interstellar Navy now. He's thirty-one years old, and has a family of his own. He's become more of a success than you or I will ever be."

"Sarah, you are a success," Leland's tone was somewhat sad. "You were able to pick up the pieces of what I had destroyed. I couldn't do that. My life became that of a wanderer. I couldn't focus on things... I wandered around doing whatever I could to survive. I wasted my life. I threw away the chance to be a good father... and a good husband."

Leland jumped when Sarah covered his hand with hers. She looked into his eyes earnestly. Both were silent.

"You know we can't start over," she finally said. "You hurt me badly. But we both need closure. Leland, I forgive you. We can't change the past, but we can both work things out in our own minds. We can both find a future now, although it won't be with one another."

"I understand," he said softly and looked down to where Sarah's hand held his. His vision began to blur with tears. As they began to fall, he looked up into his former wife's eyes and grinned helplessly. "Told you I was a coward," he whispered.

She leaned toward him and shook her head. He could see tears in her eyes as well. She reached with her free hand and wiped a tear from his cheek. "No, Leland, that's where you're mistaken," she whispered back. "You're more of a man today than you ever were before."

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To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

A gust of wind hit Leland's wet cheeks as he exited the Benbow Inn. He and Sarah had said their good-byes, and he'd promised to write to her once in a while. He didn't know if he really would – after all, commitment still came as a tough chore to him. But he finally had his closure that he had craved for so many years. Or did he? A part of Leland was still empty – the part where Jim belonged. He had secretly hoped that he'd be able to speak with his son. Still, seeing Sarah and obtaining her forgiveness was more than he had expected. He knew that he should be grateful, but still... how he wished he could see his son.

Another gust of wind chilled caught Leland off guard, and sent his hat flying through the air.

"Damn it," he muttered.

"I've got your hat, sir!" a young voice called.

Leland looked up to see a little boy – maybe six years old – running to pick up the hat.

"Here, sir," the boy had approached Leland with the hat.

Leland knelt down and looked at the boy more carefully. "Thank you...Jim!" he gasped. The boy reminded him of his son. His face was round and his cheeks were pink with the vitality of youth. His hair was brown, as were his eyes and his smile looked so much like Jim's had.

"Why do you look so sad?" the boy inquired.

"Because I'm thinking of my own little boy," Leland told him.

"Really? What's he like? Is he..."

"Hey, hey Brad!" a man's voice called out, interrupting the boy's questions. Leland followed the voice to a man, who might've been in his thirties. He wore a uniform with the insignia of the Interstellar Navy. Although the man was fairly far from youth, Leland knew instinctively who it was – his own little boy.

The man approached the two and raised an eyebrow at the boy. "Brad, didn't I tell you not to run too far ahead?" He chuckled and then looked at Leland. "I'm sorry if he bothered you, sir. He's been a bit hyper these days."

"Oh, no, that's all right. I was just..."  
  
"Daddy just came home from a trip," the boy interrupted. "He's an important captain. And when daddy comes home, we always go to the park and play pirates. Then we go to grandma's and eat cookies and milk. Well, dad gets coffee I think. But we're going to grandma's now. This is grandma's restaurant, you know!"

Leland grinned at his grandson. "Yes, I actually spoke to your grandma. And she's such a nice lady. I might have to try the cookies and milk next time."

The boy laughed and nodded. "Yeah! They're the best cookies in the whoooole etherium!!!"

"Well, then that leaves me no choice." Then Leland smiled at his own son. "So you're a captain in the Navy, sir?" he asked.

"I am."

"Well, that's quite a prestigious position. I'm sure it took a lot of hard work and dedication to get there."

Leland watched as the younger man studied his face. He looked confused for a moment, as if he was trying to solve a puzzle.

"Do I know you?" he finally asked.

Leland shrugged. "Maybe. We might've crossed paths several years ago."

The other man nodded slowly, as if he was still trying to figure something out, then looked down at his son. "Well, Brad, we'd better get going. Grandma doesn't like it when we're late, does she?"

"No way!" the boy shouted and ran toward the door of the Benbow Inn.

As Jim and Leland sidestepped each other, Leland couldn't help but turn and clamp a hand on his son's shoulder.

"Sir?" the younger man asked.

"I just have some words of advice for you, son," Leland said. "This is something that I should have considered many years ago, that I think you should know. Your little boy, there..." he nodded at his grandson "...take good care of him. I lost my son a long time ago, and there's no way that I can ever get him back now. But in my heart I know that he's grown up to be a good man. So you take care of your little boy because there's nothing more important in this world than being a good father. Do you understand me?"

"I do. I'll remember your words."

"And Brad," Leland called. The little boy turned with eager, excited eyes. "You take care of your dad. I think he deserves it, don't you?"

"Yup! He's a captain and I need to watch after the house when he's on trips. But he takes care of me and mom. Dad's got a really important job..."

"But it's never more important then you," Jim said to his son.

"There you go," Leland said. "You both are smarter than I ever was. Take care of yourselves."

"We will, and thank you," Jim replied slowly. He watched for a few moments, still pondering, as the older man walked down the path and away from the Inn.

Leland found himself several hundred feet away from the Benbow Inn before he turned to look back. He stared at the place in silence for a few moments. In a whirlwind of a few hours he had found more answers than he had ever hoped for. His heart had healed more in those hours than it had in the many years that he had been searching.

Leland raised an arm and waved at the Inn, just slightly. The fact that nobody would even realize his actions no longer concerned him. He was free. Then, drawing his coat around his thin form, the man began to walk away again. Into the distance... until he was a stranger to Montressor once more.

_I was wrong to keep you underneath my finger_

_I was wrong to try and change you like I did_

_Oh I was a fool, I was to blame_

_And I put myself to shame_

_Now you and your love can show me the way_

_(You gave me your heart and one last chance)_

_Now I, I feel like an aeroplane above the rain_

_This time, I won't make the same mistakes I used to make_

_It was love and evolution_

_It was tearing it us apart_

_I prayed for absolution and I found it in your heart_

_Now I, I feel like an aeroplane above the rain_

_I can fly..._

-Tal Bachman "Aeroplane"

finis.

**Author's Notes:** Well, I don't know where this one came from. All I know is that it felt like it had to be written. I tried to make Leland and Sarah seem as human as possible, which hopefully didn't take anyone out of character. I think I'm speaking more about Sarah as far as that goes, since we didn't really get to see much of Leland during the film. I really enjoyed writing the "Doppler girls." They were fun, although they didn't play an overly-large role. For those who were wondering, "Mea Culpa" is Latin for 'through my fault' (I looked this up) – I thought it was appropriate for the title. As usual, this story was inspired by music (wow, there's a surprise). Ok, well the thing that surprised _me_ was how many songs actually inspired it, for there were QUITE a few. Some of the songs include "You're Still Here" (Faith Hill), "How You Remind Me" (Nickleback), "My December" (Linkin' Park/Josh Groban), and "You're the Only Place" (Josh Groban) – to name several. However "Aeroplane" by Tal Bachman turned out to be the 'big winner' – aka the song that fit the best. I mean, I thought of putting different lyrics from various songs in each chapter, but that would've gotten too confusing, don't you think? Is anyone still paying attention? Well, if you are, thank you for reading this story. I really appreciate it, especially to those who reviewed. Till next time...


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